


To The Stars

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [42]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Death, Forgiveness, Love, M/M, Soldiers, Stardust AU, Stars, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 02:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: 'Everlasting life? I imagine it would be kind of lonely.'In the ruins of Zurich, with death looming over them a decision has to be made...and sometimes even those who possess the heart of a star can't live forever.





	To The Stars

_There was a hand on his cheek, tracing his features as though to commit them to memory and when he opened his eyes again he focused on his mother’s face, and his breath caught at the sight of the tears swimming in her eyes._

_“Why are you crying?” With gentle fingers, he reached up to swipe the tears that had managed to escape, the gesture earning a shaky laugh from his mother before she pulled him into a tight hug. He sank into the embrace, ignoring the way he had to stoop to return it. “Mum?”_

_“I’m scared that one day you won’t come back.” He almost missed the quiet reply to his question, blinking when the words registered before he sighed. There was little that he could say to quell her concerns, she had always made him promise not to give her empty promises and he couldn’t promise her that he would always be safe, or that he would always come back, even if that was his intention. Whilst the Crisis was over, Overwatch and Blackwatch were far from inactive and they had lost agents even in this time of ‘peace’. Hell, when he had shown up at home a week ago his arm had still been bandaged up from a mission gone wrong, and there were still some lingering traces of the bruises that had covered the side of his face._

_“I…” He lifted his head to see that Jack was watching their interaction with a conflicted expression, worry and understanding because the blond spent just as much if not more time worrying about Gabriel as his mother did…and longing, because he didn’t have a mother waiting at home, weeping at the thought that he might not come back, and Gabriel’s heart ached for a moment as their eyes met bright blue shadowed with loneliness that not even he was able to banish completely. Still holding Jack’s gaze, wanting to make sure his partner knew that the words were for him as well, he replied, one hand drawing soothing patterns on his mother’s back. “I have plenty to come home too, you’re not going to lose me that easily.” That was something he could promise because he would be damned if he was going to let something tear him away from his family or from Jack. Blue eyes had brightened slightly at his words, and he was rewarded with a soft smile as pale light danced around his partner for a moment._

_It’s a promise…_

*

_I’m scared that you won’t come back…_

   Gabriel groaned as he clawed his way back towards consciousness, struggling to coax his eyes open, one sealed shut with what felt like blood and the other sluggish to obey his commands. Eventually, he succeeded, blinking heavily and half expecting to find his mother leaning over him. And he almost wished that she was, because with consciousness had come an awareness of the pain that seemed to be radiating throughout every inch of his body. Pain that he knew instinctively meant things were bad, in the way that you don’t come back from, and the way his eyes were already threatening to drift shut again only confirmed that thought. _What the hell happened?_ Sheer stubbornness was the only reason he was able to blink his eyes open again, bringing the blurry world into focus and immediately wishing that he hadn’t as he took in the thick haze of smoke obscuring the world around him. When he managed to tilt his head to the same, pain lancing through his neck, rubble and broken walls greeted his gaze.

  _What happened?_

   He closed his eyes for a moment, the small movement enough to send fresh waves of pain through his entire body and he bit his tongue to stop himself from making a noise. The pain was nothing new. SEP had given him a whole new appreciation for that word, and he had naively thought that nothing could ever come close to the agony that he had been forced to endure during the program, the endless nights of feeling as though his body was ripping itself apart. He’d been wrong. Everything hurt, sharp lances of agony piercing him with each breath and the tiniest shift was enough to ignite it all again, his breath catching as he fought tooth and nail to push it back, what had happened to cause this?

   It was hard to focus on anything else, and harder still to recall what had happened, as it felt like someone had dropped a cloud over his memories. He scowled, regretting it as it tugged on what felt like a deep gash on his temple, hissing under his breath as he opened his eyes again. The air above him was still thick with smoke, but he realised that beyond that he could catch a glimpse of grey sky and he paused. That wasn’t right - he had been inside, he had been in…his eyes snapped open again, confused for a moment, unable to remember when he’d closed them. He quickly dismissed that worry and focused on the patchy memory that was slowly piecing itself together.

 _Not for the first time, he wondered if the people in charge knew anything about who Jack Morrison really was. Obviously, they wouldn’t know exactly what he was, as that was a secret that Gabriel and Jack kept close to their hearts and it would take more than their current tension for Gabriel to break his silence. Still, he would have to say no based on the office they’d given Jack, snorting as he glanced around at the unnecessary opulence, once again grateful for his smaller and more practical office several levels below_. _He could never have worked like this, and as his gaze drifted back to Jack who was sat huddled over his tablet and a pile of reports, he knew that Jack was uncomfortable too. His broad shoulders were tense, and his fingers tapped constantly against the desk, a nervous tell he’d never managed to break himself from._

_Of course, it could just be because he was there. However, in all the time that Jack had been in this office, he didn’t think he’d ever seen the blond completely ease. The only exception being when Fareeha was there, covering the room in her toys and colouring books, but then again it was hard for anything to remain untouched by the little girl’s presence._

   _Sighing he moved across to stand in front of Jack’s desk, eyeing up the piles of reports with distaste and sympathy, aware that he was probably responsible for a good number of them. Which was probably why Jack had yet to acknowledge him beyond a brief grunt when he’d first wandered in ten minutes ago without even knocking. Normally he would just have tried to outlast him because despite popular belief, Jack tended to be the more impatient one and he didn’t like awkward silences. However, Gabriel had a list of names on his desk and intel that had him itching to act, a mixture of dread and anticipation churning inside him and he wasn’t willing to play this game any longer._

_“Jack.” To a casual observer, it would have looked as though there was no response, but Gabriel was far from a casual observer especially when it came to Jack, and he caught the way the other man tensed slightly, fingers curling against the desk. “Jack are we going to talk about this?” There wasn’t really anything to talk about, not in his book, but he knew about the increased limitations that had been put on Jack since his decision to deal with King’s Row without approval. Restrictions that had left Jack as little more than a figurehead, something that he knew weighed on the blond every day even if he tried not to show it around anyone else._

_“No.”_

_“We have to do something!” It came out more stridently that he’d intended, but he had never heard Jack sound so defeated, the blunt refusal catching him by surprise. Although not as much as the way that Jack’s head shot up at his tone, eyes wild, both hands now clenched against the surface of the desk, fingers digging at the wood as though he was trying to stop himself from lashing out._

_“You think I don’t understand that? That I don’t want to help?!”_

_“Do you?” That wasn’t fair, he knew it the moment the words had left his lips, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself from continuing, cursing himself with each word that left his mouth as Jack flinched, what little colour he had these days draining from him. “Looks to me like you’re happy to sit there and let everything crumble beneath you. Or, maybe you’ve been sat there looking down on everything for so long that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be one of us?” He had gone too far, he knew that as soon he snapped his mouth shut, hating himself for the last bit as hurt flashed through blue eyes and Jack seemed to pale even further, but then the blond was on his feet, hurt and anger twisting his face into an ugly expression._

_“How dare yo…”_

_Whatever else Jack had been about to say, snarling in his anger, was cut off by a dull boom from several floors below them and for a moment their eyes had met. They had been through too much not to recognise that sound, to not realise what the tremors now rattling the building meant and Gabriel was the first to move, lunging towards Jack even though deep down he’d already known that it was too late. It had been too late. He’d barely made it to the desk before the floor had disappeared beneath them, the world around them flooded with flames and smoke, and the last thing he had remembered was Jack’s eyes, wide with terror and something more…_

   Jack. He had been with Jack. For a moment, he was overcome with guilt over what he had said to Jack, the boundaries that he had not only pushed against but completely broken through, and worse the hurt that he’d managed to put in Jack’s eyes. Sucking in a deep breath he pushed those feelings down, knowing that they wouldn’t help even as he swore to apologise for those words. to take them back, and make sure that Jack knew that he was one of them before it was too late. _Jack…_ Taking another deep breath that seemed to ignite a fire in his lungs, he groaned before trying to push himself up. It hurt. It felt like someone had taken a red-hot poker to every nerve ending in his body, and his vision whited out for a moment, leaving him feeling as though he wasn’t really there even as he was vaguely aware of the scream that had been torn from his lips. _It hurts…It hurts_ … The memory of blue eyes alight with a different kind of pain gave him something to focus on, breathing shallowly as he waited for the pain to subside, although there was no escaping it and he trembled under the force of it.

_It hurts._

  It took longer than he cared to admit for his vision to clear and for him to summon the courage to try and move a little further, only the grim thought that if he didn’t move then he was going to run out of time eventually propelling him to action. He couldn’t get to his feet, his body refusing to cooperate. His breath coming in heaving pants that left him feeling sick and dizzy, the world fading in and out of focus as he slowly managed to roll onto his front and then up onto hands and knees. Gods, it hurt. He’d never been one to embrace defeat, but right now all he wanted to do was throw in the towel and hold up his hands and admit that he couldn’t do this. That wasn’t an option though, not until he knew where Jack was, and not until he apologised…

“J-Jack!” He tried to shout, but his voice caught, lungs protesting, and he doubled over as he breathed in more of the smoke. Tears that he couldn’t hold back had leaked onto his cheeks when he finally managed to catch his breath, feeling light-headed and woozy, and although he knew that it was a bad idea, he raised his voice again. “JACK!”

  He strained his ears, praying for a response, but all he could hear was rubble settling around him, fires crackling in various places and the sound of his own strained breathing. _Jack, where are you?_ A tiny part of him whispered that Jack might already be gone, that he was already too late, but he hastily shoved that voice back behind a wall of steel, refusing to even contemplate that outcome.

_Two whole days of down time. It had felt like heaven after the latest mission, and even though Jack was still hobbling around crutches, they had been quick to escape the confines of the hotel their team had set up as their base as they waited for extraction. The town had been quiet, still trying to recover from the shock of the Omnic attack, and even though they’d been more than grateful for the strike team’s arrival and actions, they all seemed eager to stay out of their way as they made their halting way down the main road. Not that much had been open at that time, with the sky rapidly darkening above them and the first few stars becoming visible as they headed towards the outskirts of town, trying not to focus too much on the destruction that had been caused._

_Eventually, they had taken refuge in a park that lay right on the edge of town, the large fountain in the middle now shattered after an Omnic had crashed into it. Still, it was peaceful and largely abandoned given the situation and for now that was enough, Gabriel carefully guiding his hobbling partner to a large patch of grass and helping to ease him down, until they were both laid sprawled on their backs, pressed so closely together that you couldn’t have fit a slip of paper between them. They hadn’t spoken much, too tired after everything and just wanting to savour the fact that they were still alive and still together…_

_However, Gabriel had eventually found his attention being drawn to the stars above them, studying them in silence for a few minutes before he automatically sought out the empty spot in the sky and feeling a familiar ache as he stared at it._

_“Jack…?” A sleepy hum was all that greeted his question, but he knew that it would be awhile yet before Jack fell asleep, because even after all this time he still struggled with the idea of sleeping at night. Quietly he reached down, fumbling blindly for Jack’s hand and twining their fingers together, needing the contact, fear making his stomach queasy. “Do you ever think about going back?” A sharp intake of breath greeted his question and then Jack was moving, struggling to sit up so that he could look down at him, eyes shadowed._

_“Why are you asking?”_

_“You could have died,” Gabriel whispered, gaze darting to the bandaged leg. It was a miracle that Jack had got out with such a minor injury, and he hadn’t always been that lucky. Next time he might not be, and the thought of losing him had Gabriel shaking and sick to his stomach. “You could have died, for a fight that…”_

_“Gabe,” Jack’s quiet voice cut him off, as did the nickname and despite his fear and the grim topic he felt his lips quirk up, warmth blossoming. Jack was the only one who called him that, even his family refused to after hearing how softly the blond had said it. It was theirs, and he found himself nearly crushing Jack’s fingers, as though that would be enough to keep him on Earth if he decided that he wanted to leave. “I’m not going anywhere.”_

_He shouldn’t have asked. It wasn’t fair after he had been the one to raise the topic, the one that feared the thought of Jack dying and being trapped down here, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking, desperation clear in his voice._

_“Promise?” He had half expected Jack to be angry, but there was a smile playing on his lips, and Gabriel blinked, breath catching as an ethereal glow crept slowly over his skin as he leant towards him. It was a gentle light, one that bathed him in warmth as Jack closed the last of the distance between them and pressed their lips together, it was as tender as their first one, a silent promise of forever that was reinforced by the quiet word he breathed as he reluctantly pulled away._

_“Always…”_

   Jack had promised, and no matter what issues and arguments they’d had over the recent months, he had never once broken his word and Gabriel refused to believe that he would now. Refused to listen to the part of him that whispered that Jack might not have had a choice. He wasn’t blind, he knew that his body was failing him, that he wasn’t likely to get out of this. However, it couldn’t be the same for Jack. He could always go home…

   Slowly he began to crawl forwards, body screaming in protest and his eyes stinging from the dust and smoke that swirled around him as he inched forwards. _It hurts. It hurts_. There was a coppery taste in his mouth now, but he wasn’t sure if it came from his injuries, or from where he was biting his lip to stop himself from groaning. _Find Jack. Find Jack. Find Jack._ He had always done better when he had a mission to focus on. It had only been the fact that he had set himself the goal of surviving SEP that had allowed him to endure the torment of the injections, the mantra now running through his mind letting him push onwards even as he longed for nothing more to curl up and pass out once more.

   He was so focused on holding back the pain, on trying to breathe, on the thought of finding Jack that he nearly missed the feel of material beneath his fingers. It was only when his battered clothing caught on it that he paused, eyes widening at the familiar Overwatch blue now ruined by fire and dirt and for a moment he didn’t dare lift his head, terrified of what he might find. In the end the need to see Jack, to apologise for his words, to make sure that he at least got out of this mess won out and hissing at the movement he lifted his head, vision blurring for a moment, but not enough for him to miss the rest of the distinctive Strike Commander uniform, or the bloodied blond hair.

“Jack…” He whispered, but it came out as a groan as his gaze finally landed on Jack’s face, a different kind of pain lancing through his heart as he took in the damage that had been done. Two deep gashes, one cutting across pale lips and another up and over the bridge of his nose had covered his face with blood. But what was worse was the bloodied and charred flesh surrounding the blue eyes that had met his just before the world had gone up in flames around them. He didn’t need to be a doctor to know that they were beyond saving, even if they could get Jack to medical help right away, and he wanted to cry at the loss.

_He had noticed him right away, it was hard not to when the other man had been there, surrounded by the chaos of a battleground and yet seemingly untouched by what was going on around him. They had been part of a joint task-force formed to remove an Omnic group that had had taken up residence in a power plant, cutting the local towns off from electricity for nearly three weeks before the higher ups had acted. It was to be his last mission before he entered the Soldier Enhancement Programme and he had been told that there were a few other candidates on the mission, and he had been carefully studying those around him, trying to work out who would be joining him in a program that had been described as ‘hell’. However, looking at the blond-haired ranger, with his warm smile and easy-going nature he had passed him over with little more than a quick glance._

_How wrong he’d been._

_He’d been sprawled on his back, an iron beam pinning his legs down and no matter what he tried he couldn’t pull himself out, and his struggles hadn’t gone unnoticed, an Omnic bearing down on his position with its scarlet optics fixed on him. Cursing he grasped his weapon as best he could, but from this angle, there was no way he was going to be able to hit anything vital before it reached him and even as he readied to fire he offered a silent apology to his family for not coming back this time._

_The Omnic had just begun to open fire, a spray of bullets tearing up the floor next to him and he winced as shards of metal bit into his cheek. However, before he could return fire though there was a loud shout, and then the blond was there, sparing him the briefest glance before moving in on the Omnic. Gabriel wanted to call him ten kinds of idiot for walking towards it so openly, certain that he was about to see him cut down in front of his eyes. Instead, he could only watch as the ranger crossed the distance between them in three easy bounds, dodging the gunfire that shifted towards him with an ease that had Gabriel drooling in envy and even before the man had opened fire himself, point blank, he had realised just how wrong he had been._

_It was a massacre, the Omnic collapsing with an anguished groan of metal, whilst the blond had stepped back completely unscathed and the same easy smile from earlier on his lips as he turned towards Gabriel. Gabriel hadn’t been able to speak, merely watching, reassessing as the other man had managed to lift the beam enough for him to wiggle out, blinking as he found himself faced with a calloused hand when he tried to rise. Normally he would have refused, but something made him accept the offered hand, lifting his gaze and finding himself unable to breathe for a moment, any thought he had about the other being too naïve to be out here vanishing the instant he met blue eyes that seemed to hold an eternity in their depths._

   It took him a few seconds to gather the courage to look away from the ruined features, sucking in a sigh of relief when he noticed the unsteady rise and fall of Jack’s chest. _He’s alive_. Clumsy, his strength failing him faster than he had hoped he dragged himself to Jack’s side, nearly falling on top of him before he managed to catch himself with trembling arms.

“Jack…” His voice wavered and cracked in the middle, and he swallowed before reaching out to touch Jack, frightened that the slightest touch could shatter him right now. “Jack, please.” _Please wake up,_ tentatively he shook the other man, torn between desperately needing him to wake up and terrified about how much pain he was going to be in if…when, he woke up. In the end the former won, and he shook Jack, again and again, minutes seeming to stretch on forever until he was rewarded with a soft groan and the sight of Jack’s face twisting with agony as he drifted towards consciousness. “That’s it, Jack _.” I’m so sorry, I know it hurts._

   He could feel himself tilting and he had to yank his hand back to catch himself, gasping as the impact jolted his entire body and everything seemed to seize at once, the world whiting out a split second after he saw Jack’s head move slightly.

“G-Gabe?” When the world started to come back to him, the first thing he heard was Jack’s voice, a fragile whisper of sound that made his heart ache. Had he ever heard Jack sound that fragile? He didn’t think so and frantically he tried to regulate his breathing, blinking to clear his vision and jolting as he felt searching fingers brushing against his knee. “G-Gabe is that you?” He still couldn’t focus properly, but he felt for Jack’s hands and grasped his fingers, not liking how cool to the touch Jack’s skin was. Even before SEP, his hand had burned against his, and the program had only enhanced that. “G-Gabe, I can’t see...are you there?”

“I-I’m here.” There was no way he could ignore the fear in Jack’s voice, but it was his voice that wavered this time, because despite being able to see the damage for himself, he had entertained the hope that Jack was better off than him and for a moment all he felt was a crippling wave of despair. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. He was supposed to have stopped this from happening, and they were supposed to…

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Gabriel’s thoughts were completely derailed, his blurry gaze fixated on Jack. _What the hell are you apologising for?_ Memories of his earlier words flashed through his mind, bile rising along with an apology of his own, but Jack was shifting restlessly, little whimpers of distress escaping despite his obvious effort to stop them. “Stay still,” he ordered, moving to stop him when Jack didn’t obey quickly enough and snatching his hand away as though burnt when Jack flinched at his touch, whimpers becoming a soft cry. “Jack? What are you sorry for?” He didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to know the answer, certain that he wasn’t going to like it, but he needed something for Jack to focus on beside the pain.

“Should’ve a-acted sooner,” Jack whispered, and Gabriel felt like he had been punched in the stomach as he heard his own guilty thoughts coming from Jack’s lips. “Should’ve listened to you.”

“No,” Gabriel shook his head vehemently, before realising with a pang that Jack couldn’t see him, that the only thing he had to convince him right now was words. “No, Jack this isn’t on you, it’s…”

“You warned me.”

“Jack?” He really didn’t like where this was going, only the fact that Jack had made no effort to escape the grip he had on his hand stopped him from falling apart completely, although that nearly changed as Jack’s face twisted with such misery that it broke his heart.

“Maybe you were right.” Gabriel went cold at those words, knowing what was coming and not knowing how to stop it. _I was wrong. Jack, I was so wrong_. The words were there on the tip of his tongue, along with a litany of apologies but they wouldn’t come, and Jack seemed to take that as confirmation, lips quirking up into a bitter, pained smile that had no place on his face. “Maybe I watched for too long… forgot what it was like to be like you, to be human.”

“Jack…”

_They were trapped._

_The realisation settled like a heavy weight in the pit of Gabriel’s stomach when his call for an ETA on extraction was met with radio silence, Jack had gone still beside him, whilst in the distance, they could hear the Omnics closing in on their position. The old school would offer them little protection, it had been built long before the crisis and hadn’t been upgraded in any way, and Gabriel wanted to snarl and curse at whoever had sent them out here. Instead, he found himself pressing closer to Jack’s side, not sure if he was trying to comfort the other man or seek comfort._

_“They’re not coming.” It wasn’t a question, but he shook his head all the same. He had never lied to Jack, and he wasn’t about to start when they were about to face nearly certain death in a matter of minutes. Still, it left a bitter taste in his mouth, especially as for the first time since they’d been partnered together he saw honest fear in the blue eyes that rose to meet his gaze_

_Neither of them spoke after that. There was no need, words wouldn’t change the situation, and after that day when Jack had saved Gabriel’s life, they’d never needed them. Silently they readied their weapons, knowing that they would do little good against the numbers closing in on them, but unwilling to go out without a fight and if Jack seemed a little preoccupied who was Gabriel to judge. His own thoughts were with his family and the thought of them learning of his death, would they even know exactly what had happened to him, or would he simply be another ‘killed in action’ SEP graduate?_

   _It was only when they had risen, moving to stand back to back as they heard the Omnics beginning to attack the rough barricade they had made that Jack spoke again. “Do you trust me?”_

_“What kind of question is that Morrison?” There hadn’t been a reply, and despite the sight of a laser cutting through the door he had turned to look at Jack, not sure what to make of the expression on his face but sighing as he realised that the other man was waiting for an answer. It was an easy one to give, although he didn’t understand why it mattered at this stage. “With my life.”_

_Whatever he might have been expecting it wasn’t for Jack to light up, or for the other man to lunge at him, dragging him into a tight hug. Instinctively Gabriel began to struggle. They needed to be ready, they needed to fight. But Jack was clinging to him tightly, face buried in his shoulder and it was only their proximity that let him catch the muffled words. “Close your eyes.” Gabriel wanted to snap at him not to be ridiculous, but then there were lips against his neck and with a growl he obeyed, leaning into the sensation and gasping as warmth washed over him. “Shine.” Jack’s breath tickled his neck, and the warmth seemed to intensify, and he wanted to open his eyes, especially when he heard the distinctive whirring beep of an Omnic powering up. But Jack had asked if he trusted him, and he did, and so he remained where he was, eyes squeezed shut and heart pounding as he waited for them to be killed._

_It felt like hours had passed, but he knew that it could have only been minutes before Jack reluctantly released him, stepping back and carefully avoiding his gaze as Gabriel slowly looked around, mouth dropping open in shock. The room they were in was charred, the windows blown outwards and he could see the smoking remains of Omnics in the doorway and no matter how much he strained, he couldn’t hear any others moving in the rest of the building. “What did you do?” It came out more accusing that he’d intended, and Jack had flinched, still refusing to meet his gaze and he had thought that he was going to refuse to answer as well, but after a moment his shoulders had fallen._

_“What do you know about fallen stars?”_

   That day and the days that had followed had opened his eyes in more than one way, and that had been the start of everything, and he closed his eyes as he thought back to those times. Jack had seen so much, witnessed so much as he watched over them that sometimes Gabriel would be blown away by the depth of his knowledge, always remembering back to the eternity he had seen in those blue eyes when they’d first met. Then there had been times when the simplest human habit or gesture could leave Jack flummoxed, unsure of how to react and more often than not blushing, reminding him that Jack wasn’t entirely human. And yet until today he had never questioned it, or doubted it, knowing how much Jack loved being with people, being part of the world, he had only ever observed before and with a few simple words he had destroyed that.

“I’m so sorry Jack,” he whispered, opening his eyes just in time to see the surprise and the confusion on the bloodied features. Tenderly, afraid of causing more harm he reached out and brushed his fingers against Jack’s cheek, wondering how the other man could still lean into his touch after what he’d said to him. “I should never have said that.”

“But…”

“You’re human,” Gabriel cut across him, refusing to let those doubts linger, pausing for a moment as his breath caught before continuing unsteadily. “You’re more human than most of the people I know. More human than me.” Jack was trembling now, shaking his head and Gabriel was frantically searching for something he could say to convince him, only to find himself pitching forward as a roaring sound filled his ears. There was no catching himself this time, and only a frantic twist to the side stopped him from landing on Jack, but the collision with the ground left him shaking, unaware of the pained shout that had escaped when he landed as he curled up in agony.

“Gabe? GABE?!” Jack was calling him, gasping and coughing as his own body protested his efforts, but the idiot was moving, blindly following their linked hands until he was able to curl around Gabriel as best he could. The laboured breathing that finally penetrated through Gabriel’s hazy mind telling him how much that movement had cost Jack, but he didn’t have the breath to scold him or to check that he was okay, unable to do anything but lay there and clutch Jack’s hand.

_I’m dying._

    He’d held the thought at bay until now, focusing on finding Jack, on apologising to him and now even though he wasn’t sure that Jack was convinced, his body seemed to have decided he had completed his mission and was giving up on him. No. He had always thought that when death came he would be ready for it, but now he felt a clawing terror as he listened to Jack’s ragged breathing and felt the unnatural chill of his partner’s body and with a low groan he rolled himself over, biting his lip to hold back a scream as the world blurred again.

“P-please.” His voice wasn’t working right and he grimaced as he coughed, blood speckling his lips and he abandoned his attempts to speak for a moment, sluggishly moving his free hand to touch Jack’s face, aching at the sight of the damage even if it was difficult to make out with his vision as blurred as it was. _I’m so sorry Jack_ , he didn’t let his fingers linger long, the tension in Jack’s body and the way his jaw had clenched telling him that even that much had hurt and slowly he trailed his hand down to the chain that always hung around Jack’s neck. He heard Jack’s sharp intake of breath as he grasped the two items that hung from it and could vaguely make out the frantic shaking of the blond’s head. “Go…” He breathed, caressing the tiny pendant that had let Jack stay with him for this long, the tiny spark of magic it contained allowing Jack to roam freely without fear of becoming nothing more than dust. Releasing it, he grasped the other one, feeling the tiny charm whirring to life as the nanites inside came to life, his thumb rubbing over the wax that lay in the middle. “Let me see you shine one more time, Mi Estrella.”

“Don’t…” Jack’s fingers were around his, the grip frighteningly weak and even with his own flagging strength, Gabriel refused to be pulled away from his prize, earning a soft noise that sounded painfully like a sob from Jack. “I promised, remember? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Not like this.” Gabriel wanted to curse him for clinging to that promise even now, a promise he had demanded in a fit of selfishness, but his voice was gentle as tightened his grip on the charm. “Y-you can’t stay.” His vision was blurring now, and he knew that time was running out, could feel it in every inch of his body. “I’m not going to be here.” It hurt to admit, it hurt even more to hear Jack’s broken sob at his admission, to feel the trembling body curling tighter around his as though that would be enough to make him stay, and he wished that it was, he wished that he could have the forever they had dreamt of and there were tears on his cheeks at his next words. “Go home…live.” It wasn’t the life either of them had wanted, but he couldn’t bear the thought of Jack dying here in the ruins of their home, at least if Jack went home then he would be alive.

“NO!” They both started at the vehemence in Jack’s reply, the blond sighing, his fingers tightening around Gabriel’s. “I asked you once remember, if you would take eternal life…do you remember what you said?” Gabriel swallowed thickly, remembering that conversation with a pang. It had been the first time he had realised the danger Jack could be in just by existing, and it was why they had asked Mercy to develop some of her nanite technology to replicate the properties of the Babylon candle contained in the middle of the charm. Especially after Jack had recklessly used most of the one he had carried for years to get them to safety during a particularly bad mission, something that Gabriel had never really forgiven him for because they could have found another way out. His grip tightened on the charm, but he knew that Jack was still waiting for a reply and reluctantly he repeated his answer from back then.

“I said no.”

“Then you know my answer,” Jack’s voice was soft, pained as he lifted his hand away for a moment and Gabriel had a vague impression of him gesturing at his eyes. “You can’t survive the trip.” The anguish of those words cut Gabriel to the core, because after his words earlier he didn’t deserve it, but it wasn’t as bad as the pain that came with the other words. “And I don’t want an eternity in darkness or an eternity without you.”

“Jack.” _Please…_

“Don’t ask this of me,” Jack was leaning in, and this time Gabriel could clearly make out his features, fresh anguish flooding him when he looked for the blue eyes that he loved so much and was reminded that they were gone. “Please,” Jack was kissing him now, softly, tenderly and there was a farewell in the kiss that had Gabriel forcing back a sob as he responded. “Let me stay with you always,” he pulled back enough to whisper, ragged breathing tickling Gabriel’s lips before he kissed him again, and Gabriel might have missed the way Jack’s fingers were inching towards the pendant, the little blue light gleaming in the middle of it flickering as it detected the threat to its casing, and his breath hitched, if that was destroyed…

“I’m sorry,” he was the one to pull back this time, heart aching at the knowledge that Jack was going to hate him for this. He could hear Jack trying to protest, could feel the cool fingers frantically trying to close on the pendant and with the last of his strength, Gabriel closed his fingers hard, crushing the charm and activating the nanites it contained.

“Gabe!” Jack screamed his name, and Gabriel heard his voice trail off in a sob before the world around him filled with a bright, blinding light that forced him to close his eyes even with his blurring vision. He let the warmth wash over him, felt it curling around him as though hugging him close and for a moment he could have sworn that he heard a broken voice whisper in his ear _. I love you. I forgive you._ Then the warmth was gone, and he didn’t bother to open his eyes, tears trickling down his cheeks as he let the shadows that he had been fighting for too long sweep over him.

_Live, and remember me._

Epilogue

   It had been the first thing he had looked for that night, staggering and stumbling, his body unable to hold itself together for more than a few seconds at a time. Something unpleasant curled in his stomach, memories that weren’t his own playing through his mind and he knew that he should be more worried about what he had done to the doctor he had killed, or the way his body kept disintegrating into mist only to reform a moment later. Instead, he had focused on getting outside, barely aware of the tendrils snaking out around him, telling him which way to go to escape the unfamiliar building. But there was no way for him to miss the way his entire body vanished for a moment when he finally reached the door, the lock refusing to give beneath his semi-corporal form and it seemed to him that he had just blinked and suddenly he was outside, something that was not quite breath catching as he glanced behind him to see the door was still there.

   What am I? The question bubbled up before he could stop it, but he didn’t try to answer it even as his lower body dissolved and swirled anxiously beneath him, mirroring the terror that gripped him as he slowly lifted his head towards the sky. There had been a time when he’d memorised all the stars, it had been hard not to after all the nights he had spent laid outside with Jack curled against his chest, his partner pointing out each one in turn and telling him tales about his brothers and sisters, the longing in Jack’s voice always leaving a deep ache in his chest. Tonight, though it took him a couple of minutes to find what he was looking for, by which point only his shoulders and head were still solid, terror and guilt and a strange burning anger that he didn’t fully understand pulling him apart and then he saw it - saw him.

“Jack…” He breathed, the raspy voice making him falter for a moment, mist swirling before slowly his body reformed as he stared up at the sky. _I love you, I forgive you_ … Jack’s last words echoed in his mind, fanning the ache that was spreading through his chest as he stared at what remained of his partner, because what had once been the brightest star in the sky was now dim, barely visible amongst the others and he squeezed his eyes shut as he recalled the sight of Jack’s bloody features and ruined eyes. _I don’t want an eternity in darkness_. “Gods, Jack…”

   He hadn’t thought about it back then, hadn’t let the reality hit him, but now that he was here stood alone under the stars it was impossible to escape. He had managed to save Jack, to stop him from dying in those godforsaken ruins. The anger was rising again, his form disintegrating beneath him and a low growl rose in the back of his throat. He had saved Jack from dying, or from becoming whatever the hell he had become, his hands clenched, solid enough for a moment that he felt claws digging into his palm. He had saved Jack, and yet…he blinked, vision blurring as he stared up at the dim star. _Jack, what have I done?_

    He had to look away. Everything was falling apart on him. His body. His emotions. The certainty he had felt that day when he had lunged for the charm and sent Jack home. There was a roaring sound in his ears, and it felt like he was coming apart at the seams and he snarled, fighting it even though part of him wanted nothing more than to disappear as he was hit afresh by the reality of what he had sentenced Jack to and the realisation that Jack gone. The realisation that he was alone, and he missed the urgent flurry of whispers above him, the sound lost in the noise in his own head and he was about to just let himself fall apart completely when there was a flare of light from above.

   He didn’t want to look, and yet he found himself unable to resist, lifting his head skywards again and freezing as he realised that there was a silvery glow playing around Jack. It was still faint, dimmed by everything that had happened, but beautiful all the same and there were tears in his eyes as he stretched a hand towards the sky before pausing, realising that Jack couldn’t see him and he was about to retreat when the glow flared brighter for a second and then he heard it, a whisper of sound, a voice that he would never be able to forget.

_You’re alive…?_

“Jack.” There were tears on his cheeks now, a strange sensation against skin that seemed to ripple as a hundred and one emotions rose at once. Jack had sounded so relieved, so hopeful…and he swallowed thickly. “I…” Was he alive? He wasn’t so sure, shuddering as he remembered the light he had stolen from the doctor, the memories that weren’t his. But Jack was waiting for an answer, he could feel it, and he closed his eyes for a second. He wished there was a way to hide the changes to his voice, wanting nothing more than to hide whatever it was he had become from Jack, but he couldn’t wait forever, his voice wavering as he replied. “I-I’m here.”

_Good._

   There were tears in Jack’s voice and it hurt to hear, because Jack shouldn’t care about him, not like this and not after Gabriel had sentenced him to an eternity that he didn’t want. Not when he could still look at his Jack and marvel at his beauty, no matter how dimmed, but all Jack had was darkness and the urge to flee intensified. Maybe Jack knew, he had always seemed to know when things were getting too much for him because the silver light flickered again and for a moment it felt as though he was bathed in it, the sensation so close to a hug that he couldn’t stop the sob that welled up. “J-Jack, I…” _I’m sorry. I’m sorry I sent you away, that I sentenced you to eternity…I’m sorry, that I’m alive in this ruined form…_

   The feeling of being embraced by the glow intensified, even as his body began to disintegrate again, and his sob became a howl of misery as he squeezed his eyes shut. Like that it was painfully easy to imagine that Jack was there, arms wrapped around him and holding him close.

_You’re here, and that’s all that matters…_

_I thought that I had lost you..._

_I love you._


End file.
